yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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