Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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