life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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