what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
