apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
