i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm passing your future prison.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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