dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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