That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
