He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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