I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
