Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
