And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
