My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
