Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
two words...techno handjob
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
