I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
