we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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