Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
