If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
