I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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