you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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