I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
