fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
