Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
