I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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