he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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