you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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