afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
