I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
