see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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