She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
