We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
