That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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