His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
