You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My life is pants optional.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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