ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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