I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
