I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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