Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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