she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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