After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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