You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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