Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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