i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
