All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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