You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
