i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
