i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You may now shotgun with the bride
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
