Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
