Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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