We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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