I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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