so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
