I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
