So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
