So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
