never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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