dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize