pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
