Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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