Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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