you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
