I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
