Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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