The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
