We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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