So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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