The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
