Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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