party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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