then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
