Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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