pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i think my cat just said my name.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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