Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
