On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
